WARNING - Contents May be Alarming

Think twice before reading below.
But if you do continue, feel free to add comments from your own experience...

Having a baby changes everything. Words have new meanings, you have new appreciation for bodily functions, and that shower-humming habit blossoms into a full-blown song and dance routine (you wonder why Julliard never called)...

Post-Baby Dictionary:
MILK SHAKE - when baby is latched onto boob or bottle, braces his feet against the arm of the chair or couch, and does baby squats to shake up the meal
NAPPING LUNCH - baby latches on and conks out
BABY SPA - during a napping lunch, dad cuts baby's fingernails (a nap, a meal, and pampering - life is good as a baby!)
MULTI-TASKING - having lunch, while acting as if the source of lunch is a banjo, kicking the pump bag/cat/pillow off the couch, and blowing bubbles while also filling your diaper
CAT - 1) target; 2) bait; 3) fluff with a great handle

Oh, the functions...
(Things I probably WON'T say 15 years from now)
"Good burp, little one!"
"Oh, good poop. It's nice and green." - quote from the hospital nurse
"What cute feet; I just want to munch on them!"
"He had 8 nice, wet diapers today."
After Do you want to change his diaper? "Sure."

Don't forget about how you re-write all the songs/rhymes:
- Zachary, Daiquiri, Dock...(pictured above)
- Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when I take Cakes out in the surrey, when I take Cakes out in the surrey with the fringe on top. (Alternately can be sung: "Cakes n Cakes n Cakes better scurry...")